Water.

February 11, 2014  /  Amy Boukair

There are so many water analogies that can translate to life experiences: you can ride a wave of happiness, or you can crash onto the rocks of despair. The tide can be high or low in sync with your moods, or you can be cruising along without a care. You might be mentally drowning, or treading water, or just trying to stay afloat. You can feel as though you’re in a fog. Actions have rippling effects. There are emotional droughts and floods.

I had recently been riding a pretty big tidal wave of excitement with the initial release of Indigo, when I received news that brought me crashing onto those metaphorical rocks. The news (still as yet private - sorry), even though it was anticipated to eventually become a reality, rocked me to my core. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it and understand all of its implications before I can even speak about it directly in public. It just totally knocked me out of the general complacency that we all tend to fall into - that things will go on the way they always have; that things won’t change. Well, I’m here to tell you, things ALWAYS change. And sometimes they change quicker than you’re ready for them to.

So what’s the first thing I want to do? Write about it of course. Well, at least get some of these emotions out of my system. The tears fell yesterday when the news came, and still a little bit today, I admit. For me to continue being the “strong” person that I’m going to need to be, I had to get the weakness out of the way as early as possible. Today was a research day – something I tend to do a lot of when facing new challenges. I’m a firm believer that an educated person is a well-prepared person. I’m only scratching the surface of what I’ll ultimately have to deal with, but I’m at least on my way.

The point of this blog post? Expect the ‘maybe someday’. The unexpected will always be just that, unexpected. Not much you can do about that. Can you prepare at all for the ‘maybe someday’? Perhaps. But if you tried to count or even acknowledge all of the ‘maybe somedays’ that are out there, you wouldn’t have much time left to do anything else now, would you?

The ultimate point of this post is this: Life is short. Shorter than you can even imagine. In the blink of an eye your entire existence can change. What you hold dear can slip from your grasp in a heartbeat. Don’t let the contentment of everyday life interfere with prioritizing what is truly important.

Somebody cut you off on the highway? So what. Someone in the Express Lane with more than 12 items? So what. Don’t have the newest SmartPhone? So what. Nobody liked your latest selfie? SO WHAT.

Prioritize These Things: Hug your kids often. Be kind to strangers; you have no idea what anyone else is going through at any given time. Tell your loved ones that they are loved – and tell them often, even if it makes you or them uncomfortable. Be kind to your animals; you’re all they have. Be patient. Offer an unexpected kind word. Be brave when you don’t want to be. Do the right thing, always – even if nobody’s looking. Be thankful and gracious.

One of my favorite RED songs (the one that inspired my latest tattoo) features the following lines:

As I burn,
As I break,
I can't take it anymore.
I return to the place,
Where the water covers over everything.
Rescue me somehow.

I meant to ask the meaning or location of “where the water covers over everything” when I met them last autumn, but think I know what it is now - and it’s two-fold: It’s where yes, you can feel like you’re drowning, but it’s also a peaceful place. When you’re under water, you don’t hear all the noise that life can make. You’re not distracted by the peripheral chaos. You can focus on what’s really important.

I’m jumping into that water now. It’s time to focus. Life is short.

Ramping Up

October 23, 2013  /  Amy Boukair

I've spent the last couple of weeks working on peripheral projects for Indigo . I've completely revamped my website, and switched to a new host - Squarespace, which has some pretty cool templates that are fairly easy to work with. I think it's a more cohesive approach since my blog is now integrated into my site.

Unfortunately, the majority of my Beta Readers seem to have fallen off the planet, and I'm still waiting for the graphic designer to send me her cover ideas, but I'm still hopeful that things will come together quickly for my projected January 2014 launch date. The countdown is on, and I'm already starting to feel the pressure.
With that pressure though, comes excitement. I'm SO excited to finally have a novel to even release!  I'd originally planned to not edit anything until I had feedback from the Beta Readers, but think I may just have to dive in head first and just do the best I can with it. It might be time to print it out and red pen the crap out of it again.
Doing so will most likely change my attitude about Indigo from this: 

To this:

Can't wait!!! 

The Sweetest Dance

I did it.

I wrote a book.

I can't believe I freaking did it! Indigo is DONE!

Oh yea...

Well, almost.

Now comes the truly excruciating part - editing. I've just completed my first front to back read-through and I am internally cringing at some of the things I'm finding. One thing that glaringly stands out - I am the Queen of 'slightly.' I'm actually amazed anyone gets anything done in this book with everything they do being so slight.

"...he says, moving slightly."

"I force my eyes open slightly, taking a peek..."

Argh!!!!!!

Another thing that stands out are all of the cliche's I tend to use. I didn't count how many times it shows up in the book, but things are always 'bubbling to the surface.' Really, Amy? Sigh.

With all of the times I've changed the PoV and tense, I'm still finding errors there as well. Good times. Good times.

I'm nowhere near publishing-ready; I still need to have my Constant Readers give it a look and help me round out the characters and fill in potential plot holes. I always know in my head what I mean, but that doesn't always translate onto the page, so hopefully they can help with that.

Regardless of the work still to be done on it, I accomplished something I honestly never thought I would. I wrote a book.

When I typed "-END-" at the bottom of the manuscript, my hands were shaking. I sat and stared at the screen for a few minutes and just cried. Whether they were tears of joy, or relief, or pride, I don't know. After three years of toiling on this book, they could have come for lots of reasons. Once the tears stopped, I grabbed the Shua for a very happy celebration dance in the living room. It's our thing. It's what we do when good things happen.

Even compared to the 11 years of dancing recitals I participated in as a child, or the numerous school dances, or any other dance for that matter - the celebratory dance that happened in my living room on the night of August 21, 2013, was definitely the sweetest dance I've had by far.

The Yellow Balloons

Like many Americans, I was transfixed to my television yesterday as news of the bombing at the Boston Marathon unfolded. The initial explosion was replayed countless times until I couldn't look anymore. I had thought that through constant watching, I would somehow numb myself to it, but instead only became more distraught each time the concussive blow went off. The one thing that caught my eye amid all of the chaos, and kept me watching, was the bunch of yellow balloons.

There is an initial jarring, and movement forward, then immediate release up to the sky as the holder of those balloons’ life changed forever. One can’t help but wonder if it was a child holding those strings tightly and possessively as children do of things full of wonderment and delight, only to have it ripped away. It’s a disturbing thought; and one I can’t seem to get out of my head. Life can change in a nanosecond, in the best but more often, worst of ways. It’s how we respond to these tragedies that make us who we are as a nation. 

And the responders were many.

Another thought I had while watching the terror unfold was of people’s response to the event. You see some running away in fear, and some rushing in to help. I even asked myself the question: What would you do? Would you run away? Or would you run in to help? I’d like to think if I didn't have my son with me, I would run in to help, but I can’t know that for sure. Can anyone know what they would really do? Is there anything wrong with running in fear? Of course not. There was complete chaos and confusion. It’s human nature to want to protect yourself and your loved ones. That being said, it’s practically unnatural to run towards mayhem instead of away, but yet people did it. The sight of volunteers, police, National Guard, and even just bystanders ripping that fence away to get to the wounded was inspiring, and shows the true heart of our nation.

This attack, from whoever it was, was not the first, and unfortunately most likely won’t be the last. We are all reminded of previous events that have tried, but failed, to shake our resolve. We are a free country. We have an open society. And the world is a dangerous place. It is a hard fact to live with, but somehow we do. We go on; a little thicker skinned, and a little more wary.

Tragedy can strike anywhere, and anytime, but I am heartened in light of those yellow balloons lifting untethered to the heavens, that there are courageous souls willing to run in to help.

Do It Anyway

You've all probably seen this in one form or another, I'm sure. I ran across it the other day and felt the need to post it here. It's most commonly credited to Mother Teresa, but there are other sources for it as well. Whoever wrote it, it's message stands true still:

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

Start From the Dark

Between work, travelling, buying a new car, trying unsuccessfully to get my son into an adult day program, my two (or three) World of Warcraft raid nights, random karaoke nights, following the London Olympics, catching up on Doctor Who, and all the other run-on-sentence-adding adventures, I’ve had no time to write. Even in my down time, I find myself either reading or vegging out on the TV, or now – God help me – playing SongPop on Facebook (It’s addictive. You’ve been warned); and Indigo sits, patiently twiddling his fictional thumbs.

My new Baby.

I will get there. Trust me. It’s been approximately two weeks now that nothing new has gone into Indigo, but I do sense some new material on the not-too-distant horizon. A quick break can be a good thing - giving the mind time to relax a little from the pressure of telling an intense and complicated story. I can now go back to it a little fresher, with a more objective eye. That’s the goal anyway.

Being busy for me is a good thing. It helps lift my mood. As my sis-in-law said today: A non-busy me makes my mind do “dark things.” It was really an apropos way to put it. 

One of my favorite Europe songs is “Start From the Dark,” and if you think about it – it truly is a good place to start. When you have "dark things" in your mind, no matter what they are - they can be a seed for creativity; a launching board for brighter things. 

Here are the lyrics, they’ve always hit home for me:

Thought you were ordinary

Would not amount to much

I guess they never knew you

You found the place they couldn't touch

Said you were nothing special

Always kept to yourself

You had to fight your own way

There's always been touch too much at stake.

What you gonna do?

'Cause you're just like me

What you gonna do?

Tonight, this is where we go

To find out who we really are

We've got nothing left to lose

Tonight, this is how we breathe

To put some strength back in our hearts

We've got nothing left to lose

We start from the dark

You'll never pass for someone

Who'll find a place in line

You'd sooner take that last breath

Than give away your heart and mind

What you gonna do?

'Cause you're just like me

What you gonna do?

Tonight, this is where we go

To find out who we really are

We've got nothing left to lose

Tonight, this is how we breathe

To put some strength back in our hearts

We've got nothing left to lose

We start from the dark

Start from the dark

Start From The Dark lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

Now it’s time to take Abbey to the vet. Yay…

Here’s to keeping away the “dark things.”

Chew ‘em Up. Spit ‘em Out. Pass.

Not quite two weeks ago I sent the first 60 pages of Indigo to a critiquing service for a paid manuscript review. I will not be promoting this service by giving out their name here, but if you would like to know who it is, feel free to message me personally. The service was to notify me that:

1. they received my manuscript;
2. who it was assigned to for the critique; and
3. the turnaround time.

I did not receive that information as promised. When I followed up within a week of submission, I was told they don’t give out the name of the person performing the critique “due to other work agreements that they have,” and that the turnaround time was 4-6 weeks. That was last Thursday.

In the interest of full disclosure, and as you may be able to tell from my tone – the review was not good.

I received my critique in less than a week, and the critique itself had spelling errors in it. I’m still shaking my head that a paid editor doesn’t know the difference between desert and dessert. Really? And I paid real money for this?  Also, the anonymity of this so-called editor is still bothering me as well – what were their credentials? How am I sure they even have an interest in the genre I’m writing? How do I know they have any credentials at all?

The service was to include the following:

• 12-16 pages of detailed notes on premise, plot structure, pacing, characters, dialogue and marketability
• A graph-based "Emotional Response" chart
• A rating on the "Pass, Consider, or Recommend" scale
• A one-page synopsis to use as a "leave behind" when you get that all-important meeting

It was NOT to include this:

• Rewrite or revise for you, except in the case of providing an example of how to revise on your own.
• Correct grammar, mechanics, and spelling. (Our *** service does correct grammatical errors, including punctuation, capitalization, verb tense, spelling and sentence structure.) However, the story analyst will point out any patterns of surface-level error that may pose a significant problem for you.
• Correct for Industry-Standard Formatting. However the story analyst will point out general and repetitive formatting errors throughout the manuscript.
• Provide any fact-checking.
• Provide answers or advice on legal issues

What I did receive:

• Barely 12 pages of notes, 4 of which were lists of minor grammatical errors
• Instead of a one-page synopsis to "leave behind" when I get that all-important meeting, I got a two page book report giving a blow-by-blow account of each chapter
• One paragraph on concept
• One paragraph on pacing
• Absolutely nothing about marketability

Disappointed? You betcha.

Mind you – they did have some good points in their critique. In my constant changing of PoV and tense, some grammatical mistakes were left in. Okay – mention it and move on – don’t give me four pages listing out each one.

There were a couple questions/suggestions regarding the storyline and characters that were worth my consideration – but not worth what I paid for this crap.

I think the main problem here (and I could be wrong because I’ll never know who the editor is), is that the person who read this was expecting a full-blown science fiction story, when I clearly stated in my submission that it was ROMANCE/sci-fi/fantasy. It’s barely even sci-fi really, as it’s a character driven suspense story, not a science driven story. They even say in the overall notes: “…the romantic tension between our hero and heroine is palpable (and very satisfying for readers).” DUH! That’s the point of a romance novel you twit!

When I first read the critique I was pretty devastated. My writing is crap yet again. The second time through I noticed their grammatical errors, and the apparent haste at which the critique was prepared. As I continue to analyze it, I see that what I’ve written is completely outside of their element and experience. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not completely dismissing their review because it was negative. As I mentioned, there were some good points given, and they’ve been duly noted. I just don’t feel that I received what I paid for. And that is truly disappointing.

With all that being said, my writing may still be crap – but I don’t think the person that got paid to critique my work was necessarily the best to judge that.

Oh, and by the way – here is my ‘graph-based "Emotional Response" chart’:

Not bad for the beginning of a suspense novel I’d say…