The Sweetest Dance

I did it.

I wrote a book.

I can't believe I freaking did it! Indigo is DONE!

Oh yea...

Well, almost.

Now comes the truly excruciating part - editing. I've just completed my first front to back read-through and I am internally cringing at some of the things I'm finding. One thing that glaringly stands out - I am the Queen of 'slightly.' I'm actually amazed anyone gets anything done in this book with everything they do being so slight.

"...he says, moving slightly."

"I force my eyes open slightly, taking a peek..."

Argh!!!!!!

Another thing that stands out are all of the cliche's I tend to use. I didn't count how many times it shows up in the book, but things are always 'bubbling to the surface.' Really, Amy? Sigh.

With all of the times I've changed the PoV and tense, I'm still finding errors there as well. Good times. Good times.

I'm nowhere near publishing-ready; I still need to have my Constant Readers give it a look and help me round out the characters and fill in potential plot holes. I always know in my head what I mean, but that doesn't always translate onto the page, so hopefully they can help with that.

Regardless of the work still to be done on it, I accomplished something I honestly never thought I would. I wrote a book.

When I typed "-END-" at the bottom of the manuscript, my hands were shaking. I sat and stared at the screen for a few minutes and just cried. Whether they were tears of joy, or relief, or pride, I don't know. After three years of toiling on this book, they could have come for lots of reasons. Once the tears stopped, I grabbed the Shua for a very happy celebration dance in the living room. It's our thing. It's what we do when good things happen.

Even compared to the 11 years of dancing recitals I participated in as a child, or the numerous school dances, or any other dance for that matter - the celebratory dance that happened in my living room on the night of August 21, 2013, was definitely the sweetest dance I've had by far.

Chew ‘em Up. Spit ‘em Out. Pass.

Not quite two weeks ago I sent the first 60 pages of Indigo to a critiquing service for a paid manuscript review. I will not be promoting this service by giving out their name here, but if you would like to know who it is, feel free to message me personally. The service was to notify me that:

1. they received my manuscript;
2. who it was assigned to for the critique; and
3. the turnaround time.

I did not receive that information as promised. When I followed up within a week of submission, I was told they don’t give out the name of the person performing the critique “due to other work agreements that they have,” and that the turnaround time was 4-6 weeks. That was last Thursday.

In the interest of full disclosure, and as you may be able to tell from my tone – the review was not good.

I received my critique in less than a week, and the critique itself had spelling errors in it. I’m still shaking my head that a paid editor doesn’t know the difference between desert and dessert. Really? And I paid real money for this?  Also, the anonymity of this so-called editor is still bothering me as well – what were their credentials? How am I sure they even have an interest in the genre I’m writing? How do I know they have any credentials at all?

The service was to include the following:

• 12-16 pages of detailed notes on premise, plot structure, pacing, characters, dialogue and marketability
• A graph-based "Emotional Response" chart
• A rating on the "Pass, Consider, or Recommend" scale
• A one-page synopsis to use as a "leave behind" when you get that all-important meeting

It was NOT to include this:

• Rewrite or revise for you, except in the case of providing an example of how to revise on your own.
• Correct grammar, mechanics, and spelling. (Our *** service does correct grammatical errors, including punctuation, capitalization, verb tense, spelling and sentence structure.) However, the story analyst will point out any patterns of surface-level error that may pose a significant problem for you.
• Correct for Industry-Standard Formatting. However the story analyst will point out general and repetitive formatting errors throughout the manuscript.
• Provide any fact-checking.
• Provide answers or advice on legal issues

What I did receive:

• Barely 12 pages of notes, 4 of which were lists of minor grammatical errors
• Instead of a one-page synopsis to "leave behind" when I get that all-important meeting, I got a two page book report giving a blow-by-blow account of each chapter
• One paragraph on concept
• One paragraph on pacing
• Absolutely nothing about marketability

Disappointed? You betcha.

Mind you – they did have some good points in their critique. In my constant changing of PoV and tense, some grammatical mistakes were left in. Okay – mention it and move on – don’t give me four pages listing out each one.

There were a couple questions/suggestions regarding the storyline and characters that were worth my consideration – but not worth what I paid for this crap.

I think the main problem here (and I could be wrong because I’ll never know who the editor is), is that the person who read this was expecting a full-blown science fiction story, when I clearly stated in my submission that it was ROMANCE/sci-fi/fantasy. It’s barely even sci-fi really, as it’s a character driven suspense story, not a science driven story. They even say in the overall notes: “…the romantic tension between our hero and heroine is palpable (and very satisfying for readers).” DUH! That’s the point of a romance novel you twit!

When I first read the critique I was pretty devastated. My writing is crap yet again. The second time through I noticed their grammatical errors, and the apparent haste at which the critique was prepared. As I continue to analyze it, I see that what I’ve written is completely outside of their element and experience. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not completely dismissing their review because it was negative. As I mentioned, there were some good points given, and they’ve been duly noted. I just don’t feel that I received what I paid for. And that is truly disappointing.

With all that being said, my writing may still be crap – but I don’t think the person that got paid to critique my work was necessarily the best to judge that.

Oh, and by the way – here is my ‘graph-based "Emotional Response" chart’:

Not bad for the beginning of a suspense novel I’d say…

My Characters; My Friends.

I’ve finished the first 50 pages of Indigo for the WeBook contest and submitted it for judging. It will most likely be a week or so before I start seeing feedback from readers, and my anxiety is palpable. It’s always nerve-racking to send your creative babies out into the world, but this one is especially difficult for some reason. There is always fear of rejection – I think that’s natural for any author, but Indigo gets my blood pumping so differently than Ghosting did. He’s been in my head for so long, nagging at me to get out, and now that I’m doing that – it’s like telling a deeply personal secret to the world. It’s not as though I’m baring my soul, or standing naked in the middle of a mall, but close - I think that’s a pretty close analogy.

I'm ascerred.

When you spend countless hours thinking, writing, reading, re-reading, and editing the crap out of something, it’s hard not to personalize it. It’s even harder not to internalize the characters. They live in your head – and you’re the biographer telling their story. You want to get it right, and you want to do right by them. After all, they are trusting you to tell it correctly. That’s a big responsibility for an author to undertake.

My own imagination brought them to life, sure. But now that they’re here in my head, they’ve evolved into something somewhat real. They have their own personalities, senses of humor, vices, mannerisms, histories, endearing qualities, and character flaws (pun intended). No, I’ve not gone mad with invisible friends. I don’t talk to them - out loud anyway, but they are always present in some way. It’s hard to explain fully. It truly is one of the wonders of being a writer – the ability to create these completely intangible, yet concrete people and scenarios. And as a writer, you live with them almost all the time, whether you want to or not.

So all I can do now is wait for the feedback and criticisms from the contest reviewers with a mixture of excitement and dread. It’s a horrible combination, yet delicious in its own way. In the meantime I’ll just continue writing as though Indigo is the best thing since Shakespeare penned his first sonnet. Until the bubble gets burst by a critic, it’s a good feeling to have.

Writing is a Wicked Bitch.

I’ve been tossing the idea of my novel Indigo around for quite a while now. Two years? At least? Well yeah – a long time. I had submitted the first 5 pages to the same contest I had Ghosting in (which didn’t get past the first 50 pages round btw). The feedback was truly good, and I’ve even had strangers from around the world reach out to me to see where the first 50 pages of Indigo were because they were captivated by the story so far. That has amazed me because I couldn’t see how the first 5 pages of anything could snag anyone’s attention, but it made me feel good nonetheless. People really liked Indigo.

So last night I revisited Indigo after our long hiatus, and my creative juices are now flowing again. I made MAJOR changes – changing the voice from first person to third (uncomfortable!), the tense from past to present (tricky!), and finally decided what the story was going to be about (Yay!). My original premise now feels overdone in the market, and the new one I came up with is good. Really good. But complicated. It will be a challenge to write.

Am I up to this challenge? I have no idea. Knowing my history of leaving things undone when the going gets difficult makes doubt dance around maniacally in the back of my mind.

One of my major problems is pacing. I have NO idea how to pace a novel. Short stories - I’m a pro. If I needed to write the whole thing in 50 pages I could do it, no problem. But 350? Not so much. I don’t know when to reveal what. What is too soon? How much anticipation should there be? How much back story is needed, if any? Argh!

Part of me wants to say screw it, just write it all then mess with it later. But the perfectionist (read, chicken) in me says pick it apart as I go. But that instant dissection of what I’ve written is what’s hindering my progress. It’s a vicious cycle.

Yes dear novel, you are.

My goal for the time being is the first 50 pages for that contest. Once I have that in I’ll be able to see feedback from readers and editors, hopefully addressing the pacing among other things. While it’s not my favorite thing, I need the criticism to make me a better writer.

Lots of people say they like my writing ‘voice,’ which is a huge compliment to me. I know it’s rare to have a good writing voice, so I take deep pride in that. I just hope that my ‘voice’ can say the right things at the right time.

Has this whole blog been a delay tactic to avoid doing the work? You betcha. I need discipline, have you noticed? I need to just do the work. Or as my sis-in-law says: JUST DO IT.

That, in a nutshell, is what makes writing a Wicked Bitch. But for some ungodly reason, I still love her...

Happy Happy Joy Joy

It's not going to take much for me to be happy about my writing nowadays.  Just the simple fact that I wrote today is cause enough for a celebration (and a blog post!).  Sure, it's only another three pages so far, but it's THREE PAGES I didn't have a week or a month ago for that matter.

By finally finishing that scene, and that chapter, I'm now inspired to continue with the next chapter and scene, and I'm excited to see where it's going to go - because I have no idea.  This is the fun part of writing without an outline or a plan - it can be a wild ride when the characters surprise you.

So bring it characters! Let's go for a ride!

The Challenge That Is Writing

Writing isn’t easy. Well, I should clarify that – Good writing isn’t easy. Anybody can throw words on a page, but that won’t make it readable, and it won’t necessarily move you. Good writing grabs you, and if it’s good fiction, it takes you to another place, and puts you in the shoes of another character. I think non-fiction can be even harder to keep a person’s interest. Trying to express ideas or thoughts to complete strangers with only words is a very daunting task.

I am currently in the process of writing both a fiction, and a non-fiction book. I say process because it truly is, or at least can be, quite an ordeal.

When I first started my novel, I was overloaded with great ideas. Plots and storylines just whirled about me for days. I would wake up with “a-ha!” moments, and have to jot down the thought before I lost it. But then – reality hit. I started writing, and it went very smoothly at first. Chapters flowed into chapters. And then one day it just stopped. I don’t know if “life happened” and interrupted the flow, or what the situation may have been, but the need to write seemed to have vanished.

Part of my problem is that yes, I had all those great ideas, but flushing them out in a novel is a monumental task. It doesn’t help that I’m completely OCD, and edit the crap out of everything I write, as I write it. I can’t outline. Well, I’m sure I could, but I hate even the idea of it. To me, it ruins the joy of writing. I like to see where the characters and the story will take me. Unfortunately, I’m at a point where all the characters are apparently giving me the silent treatment.

I think that will be my new motto:

“I don’t have writer’s block – my characters aren’t talking to me anymore.”

I’ve heard of several authors that write for a certain period of time, or a predetermined number of pages every day, no matter what. And I say hoorah for them. I can’t do it. I have to be motivated. I have to be “in the mood” to write. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to get into that mood at the drop of a hat.

I’d be interested to hear from other writers as to their techniques to get motivated to write, if there is such a thing. Is there such a thing?