Scratching the Itch.

I’m starting to get the itch to write again. I know, it’s about time, right? I’ve been so busy trying to get my business off the ground, that I haven’t thought much about my book at all. I was, however, finally able to get my first 50 pages to the WeBook Page to Fame Contest submitted a few weeks ago. I’ve had three reviews so far – 2 gave 3/5 stars, and one gave 4/5. Not bad overall, and their criticisms are well met. That planted the seed.

My sister-in-law (the screenwriter) has announced that she is almost done with her latest screenplay. I’m jealous. Water on the seed.

I’m currently reading the fourth book in the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. It’s epic fantasy, and completely different from what I write, but his descriptions are so well done I find myself wondering how I can do the same in my book. As most writers do (I think), when you see good writing, you even think to yourself; “ooh, that was a nice way to word that.” I want to do that. Seedling sprouts.

So, here I am, with a little seedling poking my brain to write. My only wish is that it were warmer outside so I could sit in my favorite writing spot on the patio. Perhaps I should make do with the office, and Abby snoring gently at my feet.

Time to scratch the itch, or water the seedling, or… something. Hopefully I won’t mix too many metaphors in my book!

Goodbye My Friend...

Princess Lucinda Buttercup 1999-2011

I truly believe there are two different types of pet owners in the world: those that have animals that they care for, and those that adopt animals into their family. We are the latter, and today we lost one of our precious family members. The pain of the loss may not be as severe as the loss of a child, but I’m imagining that it comes pretty darned close. The house feels so much emptier without her, even though she barely ever made a noise. It was a comfort that I grew accustomed to – just having her there at my feet snoring softly. She was always underfoot it seemed, even for such a large dog. She wasn’t a shadow like a lot of dogs that follow their owners, she was the road bump that led the way, and often got in the way when I traversed the house. It’s going to be a hard habit to break, carrying laundry baskets up high to be on the lookout for her…

Yes, she was an absolutely horrible guard dog, and would sooner lick you to death than do damage to you. She had an affinity for licking Josh’s face – particularly after meals since the getting was good then. She was a huge mooch, and would stare you down with hungry eyes while you were eating until you caved and gave her something. Of her more lady-like qualities; she often burped, farted, and snored loudly, and she took up the whole dang bed. She liked to chew on my socks (not with feet in them), and I would find them soaking wet scattered around the house. Most people lose odd socks in the wash; I lost them to Lucy.

She did normal dog things too – she would play ball until my arm was tired, chased her tail till she was dizzy, and loved to burrow in the snow. She stayed a puppy as long as she could, but in the end she was just plain tired.

"Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them,
filling an emptiness we don't even know we have." (Thom Jones) 

While all of this is probably boring you, it is helping me. The tears run steadily down my cheeks as I remember what a vibrant dog she was until 6 months ago when the Cushing’s kicked in. She was never the same. She would chase the ball to get it, but then lay down to rest a while. And this last week, she couldn’t even climb the stairs to get into the house from outside…

Last night I knew the time had come to let her go, and to let her go peacefully. I helped her into bed with me, and tried to keep her comfortable as best I could. There were many times when our eyes would meet, and I knew she was saying, “Let me go Mom, I hurt.” Few decisions are harder, I think.

"A good dog never dies. He always stays. He walks besides you on crisp autumn days when frost is on the fields and winter's drawing near. His head is within our hand in his old way." (Mary Carolyn Davies) 

When her vet saw her today and agreed that it was time to let go, the guilt lessened some, but not the pain. I was able to hold her as she passed, and tell her what a great and wonderful blessing she was to us, and how much we will always love her. I owed it to her to be with her to the last, and be the last thing she saw. I know she’s no longer suffering, and that is small comfort right now.

It’s hard to explain to Josh what’s happened, but I think deep down he understands. He was able to say goodbye to her this afternoon, and it broke my heart. He really loved Lucy, and I hope he can appreciate at least that she is okay now, and no longer hurting. He’s gotten teary eyed, but hasn’t outright cried. But then, he never does.

I’ll just cry for both of us.

We are honored to have known such a sweet soul, and will never forget you Lucy.

Who's Got My Back? Hopefully Not You...

It’s been too long since I blogged last, so I thought I’d give a brief update.

As the title suggests, I’ve been having some pretty bad back problems of late. It started on Christmas Eve as I was wrapping presents. I awkwardly reached for a gift label, and my back muscles completely tweaked. I spent Christmas Day on the couch as family celebrated mostly without me. That laid me up for a good week at least, and with the help of my blessed Dad, was able to function at least as a household.

Then Friday it got me while doing laundry. Tweaked again, and in much pain. I always knew housework was bad for your health, and now I have proof! So when I ask if you’ve got my back – God, I sure hope not. I wouldn't wish a back injury on my worst enemy. Once you have a bad back, I’m afraid it’s pretty hard to not have one again.

I started thinking about all my back issues yesterday, did some math (yeah, I know – scary), and discovered that I’ve had back problems for half of my life now. Twenty years this August. That’s a long frackin’ time. I originally blew out three discs in my lower back while working as a nursing assistant in a nursing home on August 24, 1991. I remember that day vividly, and the poor elderly woman I was dressing at the time. I swear, I could even hear my back breaking when it happened. That incident had me on Workers’ Comp for more than two years. I eventually settled that claim in 1995, and still kick myself for doing so. I haven’t been the same since.

I continued to have problems on and off over the years, and finally got to a point where I couldn’t even walk in 2003. I ended up having a complete disc fusion on October 13, 2003, another day I’ll never forget. I woke up from anesthesia to find out that my Mother had passed away while I was in surgery (another story for another day). It was an odd, serendipitous event because I don’t think I could have handled my Mother’s death had I not been so loopy on the necessary painkillers. That sounds horrible, but I think it’s true, and I digress…

This isn't my actual back, but this is what it looks like now...

Once I healed from the surgery, I felt like Superwoman. My back was now forged with titanium steel, and would out survive me…life was good. I was careful, for the most part, not to overdo anything that could bother my back. Then I got to where I stopped being careful. Being a single mom, and a homeowner, stuff needed done, and I was the only one to do it. So I did them. What else was I supposed to do?

However, life has a way of bitch-slapping us when we least need it. Christmas Eve, for example. Not when I was building the trellises in the back yard, or putting in complete flower beds in the front, or even putting together Josh’s basketball hoop. Nope, it had to hit me on a major holiday. Not when I was lugging concrete from the back fire pit, or even when I work on my car. Nope, just when I picked up a laundry basket. Bam! Hello back pain…my old friend.

Tired of it? You betcha. Half my life is about long enough I think. 

Hilarity!

Thanks to Sheba for forwarding this to me - I can't stop laughing! I have a gun in my car... I'm going to go get it.

I'm Cheating On You

So, I’ve started a new blog for my business… well, it’s kind of business related. The point of it is to get my name out there in the legal field. See here.  If I had a hard time writing on this blog before, it’s going to be even worse now since I need to come up with content for the other one too. Once again, I’ve got ideas in my head for topics, but flushing them out into full-fledged blogs is another story. Especially since it is representing me in the work context. My first blog took me three days to complete because I kept tweaking it until it was where I was somewhat happy with it. If my novel was on the back burner before, it’s now completely off the stove.

The Other Blog

Starting my business has been overwhelming, but now that the website is up, phone lines are in, and all the other little details that had built up are taken care of, I can finally breathe a little bit. I still need to move to the next phase of advertising and marketing, but, I’m at least at the point where the business isn’t ALL I think about. The last few weeks have been all-consuming business-wise. I’ve run myself into the ground a little bit with all the late nights, but there’s just so much to do.

So Ghosting and Indigo are not forgotten completely, they’re just on vacation for a little bit. That’s what I’m telling myself anyways. Maybe this break will give me a new perspective when I get back to them. Even if I am cheating on them and this blog too by writing for the other one, at least I’m writing, right? That’s what matters? I like to think so. Well, that’s my story – and I’m sticking to it!

What I Am (oddly) Thankful For

1. I am thankful for all of the horrible people that I’ve had in my life over the years; without them I would not be the strong, wise person that I am today. You’re not in my life now to read this, but that’s the way love goes (thank you Janet Jackson), and I’m now better for it.

No, this video's not related to the subject,

but I have this song stuck in my head now and had to share it.

2. I am thankful for the man/woman who marketed the Snuggie™. Anyone who can make a blanket with sleeves a household name is a genius in my book. While I haven’t personally succumbed to his marketing, I’m glad there are brains like his/hers’ in the world. When I finish my book, I want them on my marketing team.

I really like the leopard print one (hint-hint, Christmas gift!)

 3. Speaking of books (weren’t we?), I’m thankful for any and all authors who take the time to write books that take me out of the real world, if even for a brief moment. If I could meet Stephen King in person I would kiss him on the lips in thanks. He is the master story teller, and has taken me on mental rides that I actually cherish. Stephenie Meyer is another one. Yes, I’m one of those Twilight people. But to be taken back to a time when love was fresh so vibrantly, and so completely, was very well done. As a matter of fact, I read the whole entire Twilight series last Thanksgiving weekend. I’ll never forget it. This is what great authors do for me – not only do they take me away, they impart something in my life – indelible memories. More people should read…

I really was just looking for a reason to add Twilight to my blog...

4. I’m thankful for losing my job this past April. It gave me an unprecedented chance to spend a LOT of quality time with my son, and to reflect on what I want to be when I grow up. Oddly enough, I want to be what I was – but I want to do it for myself now. It just took the economy saying “no” to me enough times when looking to get hired to inspire me to start my own business. Will it be easy? Hell no. But it will be done on MY terms, and MY way. No more office politics or corporate B.S. Freedom!

5. I am thankful for Facebook, and the internet in general. Without it I wouldn’t have met a lot of you, or be in touch with friends as often as I currently am. I’m absolutely horrible when it comes to true social interaction, so being able to do it virtually is a godsend. So thank you Al Gore for inventing the internet! And thanks to you too – jerk they made a movie about – that created Facebook!

Thanks Al!

6. Speaking of wasting time on the internet (weren’t we?), I’m thankful for LOLCats and Ellen DeGeneres. Between reading crazy misspelled captions of photos of cute and cuddly animals, and crazy videos, I have my day filled up quite regularly. I won’t even start on YouTube…

thtz mye mottoe

7. Speaking of TV (blah blah blah), I’d like to thank the inventor of the DVR for allowing me to be completely lazy in my TV viewing habits, and to never have to watch another Viagra® or Cialis® commercial during my favorite shows again! There’s actually some debate over who invented the technology, but I’ll go with these guys. Whoever really did it, kudos!

8. Speaking of inventors (*cough*), thank you to whoever invented instant coffee. I’m not going to bother looking it up, because it will only dispel my delusion that it’s made magically by beautiful faeries and pixies under some far off rainbow. Right next to where they tend the enchanted cows that produce delicious Hazelnut Coffeemate. These two things are my life blood. Without them I would be lost.

No they didn't hire me, but I still love their product. Damn them!

9. I’m thankful for the people that work on holidays. Sure, they’re probably only doing it for the extra money they get for “holiday pay,” and not the kindness of their hearts, but I would hate to have to work on a holiday. Don’t think I ever have, really. It’s been a while since I did retail, and times sure have changed since then. Now places are open almost every day, no matter what. Some of these workers probably got the shaft since they’re new and don’t have seniority. Whatever the reason – if you’re out and about on a holiday – thank the people that are working that day. Your last minute forgetfulness of the gravy or cranberry sauce is the reason they are there and not at home with their own families.

10. And finally, on a serious note (although I was totally serious about the other 9), of course I am thankful for all of my wonderful friends and family. Without whom, I would be a total schmuck living in a cave somewhere. You all support me, encourage me, and pull me out of the shell I tend to retreat into. You make my soul smile, and my heart laugh on a regular basis. I can only aspire to be as good of a friend in return. You bring out the best in me, and for that, I am eternally grateful.



All together now - Awww.


What are you thankful for?

The Nifty New Gadget

I'm writing this post with help from a new gadget that I'm trying out before I buy.  It's called Dragon NaturallySpeaking software, and it types whatever I speak into the microphone attached to the headset now sitting on my head, or half of it anyway.  Only one ear is covered, and I feel like I should be taking orders at McDonald's in the drive through, or answering your customer service questions. Either way, it's taking some getting used to, that's for sure.

As you might have read in my previous post, I repel technology, so God only knows how this is going to work.  I'm liking it so far, but there is a huge learning curve both on the software's part and on mine.  It needs to learn how I speak (which is not very well), and I need to learn how to command it to do what I want it to do.  I'm hoping as I train it to understand me better, and as I learn how to maneuver around it we can find some common ground.  I will say, it is a very good speller, and even if it gets a word wrong it's at least spelled correctly.  I'm finding that most of the issues that I have with it are in punctuation, which is always a problem for me anyway.  I'm always putting in commas, where they don't, belong, so maybe this will help with that problem.

On top of all of my technology problems, I'm also not much of a speaker.  I'm very quiet and reserved and don't speak unless I have to to be honest, so this thinking out loud thing is really new to me.  Not that I don't occasionally talk to myself out loud, who doesn't?  But to do it consistently where you're supposed to be writing is really strange. Also, I tend to use a lot of slang which the software doesn't understand.  So I'm going to sound a lot more formal than I really am.  It seems to be picking it up pretty quickly though, so maybe the future isn't so bleak.

The reason for this new endeavor?  Yet another way for me to try to get myself writing.  I'm hoping that maybe if I can think out loud with a stream-of-consciousness kind of thing with my writing, maybe I'll do it more.  We'll see.  I really need to get over the thinking out loud hurdle first. I tried it a little earlier in both Ghosting and Indigo, and actually got some work done.  New chapters have been started in both.  So that's an accomplishment.  I really hope I can get over the awkwardness of the whole thing, because it is really kinda neat.

What technology do you use to get yourself writing? Have you ever tried this kind of thing before?  Do you file things away in your head?  Or do you jot things down in a notebook? I'm curious if there are any other writers out there that use this type of software for their writing. It seems like it would be pretty useful except for dialogue.  Having to dictate the punctuation separately is kind of a hindrance, but for just getting the story down, and the words on paper this seems ideal.  I may just have to dictate all of my blogs from now on.  Ha ha.