Top Ten Things I Learned From My Mom

May 11, 2014  /  Amy Boukair

1.      I can do anything I put my mind to, so long as I do the work.
2.      I can be anything I want to be; no dream is too big.
3.      If I don’t expect anything, I won’t be disappointed – but not to give up hope.

4.      I am strong willed, and strong minded, but also strong hearted.

5.      My life will be hard, but it’s okay for me to be weak sometimes.

On the lighter side:
6.      How to play bridge (she was a Life Master ranked player, and unfortunately I’ve already forgotten how to play).
7.      A love for sports, books, word games and trivia (she encouraged me to try out for Jeopardy!; which I did).
8.      How to gamble and smoke (yea, yea, not the highest compliment).
9.      How not to cook (she was passable at best, and never used a spice other than Mrs. Dash).
10.   How to be a night owl. (I would regularly stay up with her to watch Johnny Carson. For the longest time, I couldn't get to sleep without hearing “Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Johnny!” To this day I prefer nocturnal activity to diurnal).

As with all Moms, there was good mixed with bad. It’s part of the human experience. As I get older and nostalgia kicks in, the bad starts to make less of an impression than the good - which is how it should be. Not a Mother’s Day goes by that I don’t miss her terribly.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom

The Ginormous Online Retailer Vs. The Indie Author

March 14, 2014  /  Amy Boukair

Once upon a time there was a Ginormous Online Retailer (“GOR”) who was friendly to independent authors, and encouraged them to sell their books in various mediums through their platform in exchange for a modest commission in return. They even created a separate company to help the independent author publish their books in print so they could hold physical copies of their hard-wrought words in their own hands. It was a land of milk and honey for the independent author; they could sell their books to their readers, and the readers in turn would share their honest opinions about those books for all to see. Other book lovers could see these reviews and decide whether it was worth spending their own money. It was a happy place for an independent author to focus their marketing energy, and see their sales rise as people left reviews of what they thought of the work. Everyone was a winner: GOR, the independent author, the reader, and the shopper.

Over time, GOR grew and grew; buying up bookclub and review sites, and an audiobook site to further the perception that they really were book friendly.

Then all of a sudden - and without the independent author, the reader, or even the shopper knowing - GOR started to erase the reader’s reviews. Hacking and slashing them from the internet forever, despite the cries of the authors and the readers who left the reviews. No matter how many times they tried to discuss the disappearing reviews with GOR, the independent authors were met with a stone wall. “We won't be able to provide further insight or assistance with your request,” was all GOR would say, leaving the independent author bereft and without a solution – and without the lost reviews. They were gone forever, never to be seen again.

-The End-

In all seriousness, what’s the deal GOR? (Amazon for those that haven’t caught on) For a company that at least used to claim to be book and independent author friendly – how does arbitrarily removing customer reviews help anyone? And doesn’t it in fact hurt everyone involved? We independent authors live and die by our reviews – both good and bad. By removing reviews you are hurting our sales, which in turn hurts your own bottom line. Where is the logic in that? I don’t claim to have business acumen at the level of an executive at the “World’s Largest Retailer” but even I know that makes poor business sense.

It is a rare person that buys anything online without reading the reviews first. It is part and parcel of online shopping experience. It is up to the buyer to decide if the reviews have merit, or even the owner of the product – not the platform merely displaying them. Buyers are savvier than you are giving them credit for.

Readers especially rely on reviews of books when deciding what to read next. We are a close-knit community who enjoys sharing our opinions and passing the word on what books we like, and what we don’t. And believe me, if we don’t like something we will advertise it to the world. We are both that savvy, and that fickle. Removing reviews is censorship of the worst kind – it’s a slap in the face to those that actually took the time to not only read a book, but then the time to sit at their keyboard, log onto your site and leave their honest opinion for the world to see.

Apart from trying to directly reach our readers to repost their reviews, there is little we authors can do to combat this. Attempts to deal with Amazon directly have had zero results. There is rumor that the reviews being removed are only those that state they received a book for free in exchange for a review, or that “ARC” is somehow targeted – this is untrue. As far as I can tell the review removals are completely and utterly arbitrary.

If someone out there in cyberworld has had success in having their reviews restored – please contact me and explain your black magic ways. In the meantime, apart from this blog post – I will be trying to directly reach out to those who have reviewed my book, begging them to repost their reviews if they can find it in their hearts to do so.

Way to stick it to the little guy Amazon.

-Amy L. Boukair

Water.

February 11, 2014  /  Amy Boukair

There are so many water analogies that can translate to life experiences: you can ride a wave of happiness, or you can crash onto the rocks of despair. The tide can be high or low in sync with your moods, or you can be cruising along without a care. You might be mentally drowning, or treading water, or just trying to stay afloat. You can feel as though you’re in a fog. Actions have rippling effects. There are emotional droughts and floods.

I had recently been riding a pretty big tidal wave of excitement with the initial release of Indigo, when I received news that brought me crashing onto those metaphorical rocks. The news (still as yet private - sorry), even though it was anticipated to eventually become a reality, rocked me to my core. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it and understand all of its implications before I can even speak about it directly in public. It just totally knocked me out of the general complacency that we all tend to fall into - that things will go on the way they always have; that things won’t change. Well, I’m here to tell you, things ALWAYS change. And sometimes they change quicker than you’re ready for them to.

So what’s the first thing I want to do? Write about it of course. Well, at least get some of these emotions out of my system. The tears fell yesterday when the news came, and still a little bit today, I admit. For me to continue being the “strong” person that I’m going to need to be, I had to get the weakness out of the way as early as possible. Today was a research day – something I tend to do a lot of when facing new challenges. I’m a firm believer that an educated person is a well-prepared person. I’m only scratching the surface of what I’ll ultimately have to deal with, but I’m at least on my way.

The point of this blog post? Expect the ‘maybe someday’. The unexpected will always be just that, unexpected. Not much you can do about that. Can you prepare at all for the ‘maybe someday’? Perhaps. But if you tried to count or even acknowledge all of the ‘maybe somedays’ that are out there, you wouldn’t have much time left to do anything else now, would you?

The ultimate point of this post is this: Life is short. Shorter than you can even imagine. In the blink of an eye your entire existence can change. What you hold dear can slip from your grasp in a heartbeat. Don’t let the contentment of everyday life interfere with prioritizing what is truly important.

Somebody cut you off on the highway? So what. Someone in the Express Lane with more than 12 items? So what. Don’t have the newest SmartPhone? So what. Nobody liked your latest selfie? SO WHAT.

Prioritize These Things: Hug your kids often. Be kind to strangers; you have no idea what anyone else is going through at any given time. Tell your loved ones that they are loved – and tell them often, even if it makes you or them uncomfortable. Be kind to your animals; you’re all they have. Be patient. Offer an unexpected kind word. Be brave when you don’t want to be. Do the right thing, always – even if nobody’s looking. Be thankful and gracious.

One of my favorite RED songs (the one that inspired my latest tattoo) features the following lines:

As I burn,
As I break,
I can't take it anymore.
I return to the place,
Where the water covers over everything.
Rescue me somehow.

I meant to ask the meaning or location of “where the water covers over everything” when I met them last autumn, but think I know what it is now - and it’s two-fold: It’s where yes, you can feel like you’re drowning, but it’s also a peaceful place. When you’re under water, you don’t hear all the noise that life can make. You’re not distracted by the peripheral chaos. You can focus on what’s really important.

I’m jumping into that water now. It’s time to focus. Life is short.

Ramping Up

October 23, 2013  /  Amy Boukair

I've spent the last couple of weeks working on peripheral projects for Indigo . I've completely revamped my website, and switched to a new host - Squarespace, which has some pretty cool templates that are fairly easy to work with. I think it's a more cohesive approach since my blog is now integrated into my site.

Unfortunately, the majority of my Beta Readers seem to have fallen off the planet, and I'm still waiting for the graphic designer to send me her cover ideas, but I'm still hopeful that things will come together quickly for my projected January 2014 launch date. The countdown is on, and I'm already starting to feel the pressure.
With that pressure though, comes excitement. I'm SO excited to finally have a novel to even release!  I'd originally planned to not edit anything until I had feedback from the Beta Readers, but think I may just have to dive in head first and just do the best I can with it. It might be time to print it out and red pen the crap out of it again.
Doing so will most likely change my attitude about Indigo from this: 

To this:

Can't wait!!! 

The Sweetest Dance

I did it.

I wrote a book.

I can't believe I freaking did it! Indigo is DONE!

Oh yea...

Well, almost.

Now comes the truly excruciating part - editing. I've just completed my first front to back read-through and I am internally cringing at some of the things I'm finding. One thing that glaringly stands out - I am the Queen of 'slightly.' I'm actually amazed anyone gets anything done in this book with everything they do being so slight.

"...he says, moving slightly."

"I force my eyes open slightly, taking a peek..."

Argh!!!!!!

Another thing that stands out are all of the cliche's I tend to use. I didn't count how many times it shows up in the book, but things are always 'bubbling to the surface.' Really, Amy? Sigh.

With all of the times I've changed the PoV and tense, I'm still finding errors there as well. Good times. Good times.

I'm nowhere near publishing-ready; I still need to have my Constant Readers give it a look and help me round out the characters and fill in potential plot holes. I always know in my head what I mean, but that doesn't always translate onto the page, so hopefully they can help with that.

Regardless of the work still to be done on it, I accomplished something I honestly never thought I would. I wrote a book.

When I typed "-END-" at the bottom of the manuscript, my hands were shaking. I sat and stared at the screen for a few minutes and just cried. Whether they were tears of joy, or relief, or pride, I don't know. After three years of toiling on this book, they could have come for lots of reasons. Once the tears stopped, I grabbed the Shua for a very happy celebration dance in the living room. It's our thing. It's what we do when good things happen.

Even compared to the 11 years of dancing recitals I participated in as a child, or the numerous school dances, or any other dance for that matter - the celebratory dance that happened in my living room on the night of August 21, 2013, was definitely the sweetest dance I've had by far.

The Yellow Balloons

Like many Americans, I was transfixed to my television yesterday as news of the bombing at the Boston Marathon unfolded. The initial explosion was replayed countless times until I couldn't look anymore. I had thought that through constant watching, I would somehow numb myself to it, but instead only became more distraught each time the concussive blow went off. The one thing that caught my eye amid all of the chaos, and kept me watching, was the bunch of yellow balloons.

There is an initial jarring, and movement forward, then immediate release up to the sky as the holder of those balloons’ life changed forever. One can’t help but wonder if it was a child holding those strings tightly and possessively as children do of things full of wonderment and delight, only to have it ripped away. It’s a disturbing thought; and one I can’t seem to get out of my head. Life can change in a nanosecond, in the best but more often, worst of ways. It’s how we respond to these tragedies that make us who we are as a nation. 

And the responders were many.

Another thought I had while watching the terror unfold was of people’s response to the event. You see some running away in fear, and some rushing in to help. I even asked myself the question: What would you do? Would you run away? Or would you run in to help? I’d like to think if I didn't have my son with me, I would run in to help, but I can’t know that for sure. Can anyone know what they would really do? Is there anything wrong with running in fear? Of course not. There was complete chaos and confusion. It’s human nature to want to protect yourself and your loved ones. That being said, it’s practically unnatural to run towards mayhem instead of away, but yet people did it. The sight of volunteers, police, National Guard, and even just bystanders ripping that fence away to get to the wounded was inspiring, and shows the true heart of our nation.

This attack, from whoever it was, was not the first, and unfortunately most likely won’t be the last. We are all reminded of previous events that have tried, but failed, to shake our resolve. We are a free country. We have an open society. And the world is a dangerous place. It is a hard fact to live with, but somehow we do. We go on; a little thicker skinned, and a little more wary.

Tragedy can strike anywhere, and anytime, but I am heartened in light of those yellow balloons lifting untethered to the heavens, that there are courageous souls willing to run in to help.

Do It Anyway

You've all probably seen this in one form or another, I'm sure. I ran across it the other day and felt the need to post it here. It's most commonly credited to Mother Teresa, but there are other sources for it as well. Whoever wrote it, it's message stands true still:

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.